End of Year Check-in
The last article I wrote was in September while I was still basking in the afterglow of my son Conrad’s wedding. But my basking didn’t end up lasting very long. Less than a week after the wedding I found myself in Germany, then the Middle East, then back to Germany, then the Outer Banks of North Carolina, then home for a couple weeks, then back to North Carolina for Thanksgiving, this time Chapel Hill. Lots of driving, flying, time with family, seeing new sights, digesting election results, forging new friendships. The three months leading up to the wedding were pretty much a blur, as have been the three months following it. All good and very exciting times, with amazing experiences, but still kind of a blur. At least I have lots of photos that help me slow it all down, remember everything, and savor the many precious moments.
Today is the shortest day of 2024, the winter solstice. Seems like a good time to stop, take a breath, just be, and think about what may be over the horizon in 2025. The onset of winter in Michigan, with its long, dark nights, snow, freezing temperatures, and gray days, can lead to feelings of dread, loneliness, isolation, even despair. But for me, the end of year and the coming cold signals that it is time to renew, refresh and plan. I actually love winter, and spend much of it hunkered down in my cozy home, warm in my wool sweaters and fleece blankets, watching the birds at my feeders or making a hearty soup on my stove. I also love going out in the cold, bundled in warm layers while walking along the river with my dog, crunching through ice and snow and enjoying the winter whiteness after a storm. Sadie absolutely loves the snow and her delight is infectious. It almost makes me want to join her on the ground as she rolls back and forth making doggie snow angels. Almost.
I have the luxury of being able to enjoy winter without much danger to myself (or others). When roads are slick I can stay home, such are the perks of a retirement life. In between the routines of my daily life as 2024 winds down, I am thinking about the new year stretching out in front of me, and I find myself looking forward to 2025 with great anticipation.
I’m not exactly a believer in New Year’s Resolutions. For me that feels like a set-up for failure when I look back at the end of the year and realize how far I fell short. Instead, I prefer to think of my thoughts and desires about 2025 as just that: thoughts and desires. They may pan out as hoped and intended, or not. Life happens, and what seem to be clear priorities now may not prove to be so when the reality of the coming year actually unfolds. Our minds change. S—- happens. Our passions shift. Our intentions, forged in good faith in December, may need to adjust later based on changing circumstances and needs.
So this end of year check-in, where I bare my soul about what I hope to do and accomplish in the coming year, isn’t a “must-do” list of requirements that signal failure if they don’t happen. My new daughter-in-law Maria does a “vision board” every year to plan and set goals for the new year. I love that idea! Since I see the world through words rather than pictures most of the time, I am treating this article as my own vision board, albeit a verbal one. What follows are my thoughts and hopes for myself in 2025.
This exercise of putting in writing some of my aspirations and plans for the coming year helps me crystallize my swirling thoughts into something (hopefully) more cohesive and intentional. What are my priorities? Why those and not others? Where are my passions and interests taking me at this moment in time? In thinking about all this I discovered that the activities that have risen to the surface have little to do with keeping my blog up to date. This means that blog articles may be fewer and less predictable in 2025. The non-blog activities will demand a fair amount of my time and I am willing to put the blog on the back burner from time to time in order to see other projects come to fruition. There will definitely be articles, but most likely I will be fitting them in and around my other activities.
Here is how 2025 is shaping up so far. There are four distinct themes, with some overlaps.
Nurturing World Peace
Really?! you might say, incredulously. This one may seem, at first glance, a bit challenging and, dare I say it, unattainable. However, I choose to take an expansive view of what it means to nurture world peace. Notice I did not say “Achieving World Peace.” Big difference between achieving and nurturing.
I believe this is one of the most important goals any of us might choose to tackle.
What any one person does to nurture world peace is an individual choice and doesn’t have to be done on a grand scale. I am increasingly convinced that true world peace will only be achieved when individuals work at it on a highly personal level through thousands and millions of everyday encounters with other people. These small interactions likely have more impact over time than grand sweeping policy gestures (although we need those also). How we encourage and manage those personal encounters makes all the difference in terms of whether we are nurturing world peace, or preventing it.
What does nurturing world peace look like for me? As I read the news and try to keep up with current events, I am increasingly discouraged and frustrated, even angry, with the polarized and confrontational environment we live in. It’s so unnecessary and has been going on for many years now and doesn’t seem to be getting any better. The situation we find ourselves in here in the United States is not isolated. We are polarized across the planet. I worry about the consequences if we don’t find a way to appreciate each other even with our differences. Many of us tend to generalize and then lump large groups of people into little boxes from which we allow no escape. We know what we know, and there are no gray areas. No nuance or middle ground. We claim moral high ground when it comes to our own points of view and values, and then demonize those who don’t see the world the same way we do. The concept of compromise feels like failure and should be avoided at all costs. We assume that we have nothing in common with those who see the world very differently than we ourselves do, and we want nothing to do with them. I don’t like to admit it, but I fall victim to this way of thinking far too often.
And yet…
We all live on this planet together and it isn’t realistic, possible, or even desirable to live such isolated lives and have no interactions with those “others.” That is definitely not the path to world peace. In my travels, particularly the last couple of years since I have had my camper, I have found it easy to open my heart to people I meet. We all have had this same experience. We don’t need to know anyone’s political leanings or personal biases when we are first getting acquainted. They are personable, friendly, kind. Everything about them seems “normal” and we don’t question who they are or whether they are worthy of our consideration and regard. We share stories, experiences, and accept them without judgment.
Then perhaps we discover that they did not vote the way we did in the last election. Or they say something hurtful or maybe even bigoted about someone else or another group of people. They show a side of themselves that we didn’t know existed. What??? we say to ourselves. How could that be??? I thought I knew this person. Maybe everything I thought about that person is false. I don’t think I want to be around them anymore.
Researchers who study these things have documented the polarized way many of us live. Our tendency to surround ourselves with like-minded people has increased in the last few decades. Where we choose to live and work and go to school has a lot to do with who we think our neighbors and colleagues will be. We choose to spend time with people who think like we do, and we avoid situations where we think we will feel uncomfortable and out of place with people we perceive are not like us. There are many good reasons for this. Humans are very tribal in this respect. Why beat your head against the wall or surround yourself with people who you expect will say or do offensive things that strike at the very core of your being? We all have limited time on this earth and we want to spend that time feeling good about ourselves and enjoying the company we keep. When that doesn’t happen we tend to withdraw into the circles where we feel the unconditional love that we all need. It is important to our physical and mental health, as well as our longevity, that we nurture human connections that feed our souls and offer refuge from the challenges we face in other aspects of our lives.
I’m no different, but I believe there is a price we pay by choosing not to embrace the differences among us. In my retirement I am surrounded by a special group of treasured friends and family who think like I do about most things. We are very comfortable together and can talk about virtually anything and know that we will be there for each other no matter what. It’s a very safe existence. But if I want to nurture world peace I need to take more emotional risks, get out of my comfort zone, and spend time with people who don’t necessarily see the world or other people the same way I do. I need to be able to listen and hold space for others to be who they are while I try to understand the root of our differences, accept those differences, and look for ways to increase our mutual regard. At a bare minimum I want to be able to suspend my judgment and grant grace to whoever may be pushing my “fight or flight” buttons, intentionally or not.
This is not about changing anyone’s mind (although that can happen). It is about increasing understanding, poking holes in the facade of misunderstanding, and finding common ground. From there it’s possible to build relationships forged out of mutual respect and even love. And from there it becomes possible, sometimes, to have more serious conversations about where we see the world differently and where we see it the same. If there is no respect for the other person then there can be no understanding.
There is a concept I learned a few years ago that struck me as incredibly profound. It is the concept of “unconditional regard.” As it was explained to me, unconditional regard means that every person is deserving of respect, empathy, and understanding no matter who they are, where they come from or what they may have done. Turns out that this is a core value of what it means to be a criminal defense lawyer, although it was never explained quite that way to me when I was in law school or defending people who committed crimes. Given my professional background, it makes sense that this concept resonates for me. But the concept has application everywhere we look, and if we are able to have unconditional regard for each person we know and meet, then it becomes much more difficult to demonize or dismiss them or the group they may belong to for their behavior or beliefs.
My challenge to myself for 2025 is that I seek out opportunities to have conversations and build relationships with people who see the world differently than I do. This doesn’t mean that these conversations need to be about our differences although it would be great if we could get to that point. But it is important to me to expand and strengthen my circle of relationships by including those who may not necessarily be looking to do the same. I also believe it is important for them to know me. When people with different life experiences and divergent viewpoints form personal relationships, thereby exposing each other to our own inherent humanity, we are nurturing world peace in a very fundamental way. Our assumptions may get shaken up a bit and I think that’s a good thing. As I meet people and travel this coming year, I will look for opportunities to shake up my own assumptions while shining a light on the virtues of kindness, respect, and unconditional regard that we need throughout the world.
Nurturing My Inner Muse
I have not done much writing in the last several months on this blog. Writing and traveling is difficult for me because in order to be productive I need fairly large blocks of writing time with no distractions. Minimum three hours on a given day to feel like I’m moving forward with any writing project, and usually more. I’m also not reliably productive in the evenings, which means I can’t depend on being able to do whatever I want all day, and then spend hours writing before I go to bed. If I’m going to write anything meaningful, I need to work it into my daytime hours.
No distractions means just that. I do find it helpful to get up and walk around from time to time, reflect on what I’m doing, then get back to it. That allows my brain cells and synapses to swirl around and make connections that lead to writing insights and progress. But if I totally switch gears to do and think about something else for any length of time, or try to ping-pong back and forth all day long between total concentration on my writing and total concentration on something else, I find that virtually zero progress happens.
Although I have been writing for most of my adult life, now that I’m retired I want to write for myself and whoever else is out there who may be interested in what I have to say. Based on feedback and encouragement I have received independently from various people over the last couple of years, some of whom I know well and other who are complete strangers, I have decided to try my hand at writing a book.
Yes, you heard me. That’s what I said. A BOOK. Something I’ve never done before. A process and an industry I know next to nothing about. I have been considering this for well over a year, and have some ideas about what it would be about and how I might put it together. But having ideas and putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) are two entirely different things. Inertia sets in to stem the fear that I may be biting off more than I can chew. Why do I think I have anything truly interesting to say? What hubris does it take to think I have what it takes to do something this ambitious? Why do I think there is anyone out there who might read an entire book of my meandering drivel?
Despite my fearful inner voice, the desire to try to do this keeps nagging me, and I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I might actually be able to pull it off if I put my mind to it. So I’ve declared 2025 to be the year that I stop standing on the edge of this big, daunting, scary cliff. It’s time to jump off and see if I can land on my feet. I’m spending the last part of 2024 putting some support systems in place that will hopefully guide and inspire me as I launch this project and try to see it to completion. While my blogs have been labors of love and I haven’t cared too much whether many other people find it interesting, the prospect of writing a book generates a very different emotion. I don’t want to invest the time and effort (and money) into writing and finishing a book if I think there is no audience for it. So I’m putting a lot of thought into what that might look like and how my book might resonate on a larger scale than the few subscribers to my blog.
This is a significant commitment of time. Stay tuned.
In addition to writing, I also try to encourage my creative muse by hosting occasional craft parties with my good friend Celeste. The latest one was looming and everyone had a great time eating, weaving, talking, and making fun “mug rugs” and tiny pouches.
I’m determined to expand my artistic horizons in multiple ways, but still hope to stay true to the book project as my highest creative priority.
Nurturing My Love Of Bluegrass
In 2024 I moved my love of the banjo forward a bit by getting more serious about learning how to play it. I attended the Midwest Banjo Camp in June, and was blown away by the experience. I met hundreds of other banjo pickers just like me, trying to learn how to play the instrument we all love so much. I felt like I had finally found my people and it renewed my enthusiasm and joy for learning. I left the camp fully intending to come home, join my local bluegrass jamming group, and start playing with other people. I was ready!
Once I got back, reality set in and I could not bring myself to make an appearance at the jam. They meet twice a month and I’m on their email list, so I get the reminders before each session, and the photos after. In 2025 I’m determined (again) that (at some point during the year) I will face my fear and show up with my instrument and begin attending as regularly as I’m able. I kind of feel like I’m standing on a different cliff than the one I described in the Muse section above. Two different cliffs, each of which requires a level of courage and faith that I’m not going to fall into some sort of abyss but will find the experience fun and rewarding. I’m not sure exactly when this will happen. Even though I have been practicing daily for some time now, learning a lot and improving a little, I’m still not ready for prime time and have way too much to learn before I will be comfortable playing in a strange group of people who have been playing for many years. Feels like such a big risk!! And so scary!! (the social worker in me is asking the question - what is the worst that will happen? and my rational self knows that absolutely nothing bad will happen, but still…)
This was me shortly after returning from banjo camp last June. See how happy I am?
To reach my goal of jamming with ease and regularity, I need to find a way to increase my improvement momentum. I’m probably not going to be able to increase my practice time significantly over what I’m already doing if I hope to get my book project off the ground in a meaningful way. So what to do?
As mentioned, the banjo camp experience was valuable and helped propel me forward in my learning last June. So it makes sense that if one banjo camp was great, more would be even greater, right? This year not only will I go to the Midwest Banjo Camp again in June, but I will also add another one in March. Run by the same folks, the Suwanee Banjo Camp in Florida offers a different set of instructors teaching different skills than I will get at the Midwest Banjo Camp. It also has the added advantage of providing a good excuse to take a springtime road trip in my camper, a diversion I’m sure I will welcome as winter comes to a close. (yes, I know, I just said above that I love winter, which is true, but I’m always ready for the end of winter when springtime temperatures finally arrive).
Two banjo camps in the front half of 2025 should be enough to push me headlong into my local jamming group, at least by June if not sooner. No excuses at that point! (famous last words - I can always come up with excuses when I need them) And I know once I start attending I will have a lot of fun playing with other people. That’s one of the supreme joys of bluegrass - the pickup jams that can happen anywhere at anytime! (To illustrate this point, there is a songbook called “The Parking Lot Picker’s Songbook” - of course I had to get it so that I can get familiar with the types of songs jammers typically play.)
So stay tuned (literally and figuratively) for further reports on my musical progress.
Nurturing My Adventurous Spirit
As I write this, my camper Nelly Bly is with my friends at Drifter Vans for some repairs and updates. I will be getting her back in January, in plenty of time for a trip to Taos, New Mexico in February where I will be attending my first ever creativity workshop and retreat. I’m a bit nervous about this and it is way out of my comfort zone, but I’m hoping the experience - which will include all kinds of things that I don’t do regularly, like yoga, meditation, drawing, painting, reflecting and mindfulness (I’ll be in New Mexico, after all) - will help me discover and harness the inner muse that I will need for the book project. Besides that trip and the one to Florida in March for the banjo camp, I will likely be making other, shorter trips with and without the camper throughout the spring and summer, hopefully some with my camping buddy Kim.
In mid to late August, I am tentatively planning another big road trip to the west coast. This time I will be following the Lewis and Clark trail through the Dakotas and Montana, which I’m pretty excited about because I have never travelled in those areas of the country.
I will take about a month to get from St. Louis (the start of the trail) to Portland, Oregon (where it ends), and my return trip will take me up to Vancouver and across Canada, coming back down to Michigan through Sault Ste. Marie and across the Mighty Mac (which I have never done). Due to the northern nature of this trip, I’m hoping to travel after the summer vacationers are finished and back to school and work, but before severe winter weather hits.
I’m hoping that my book project will be well in hand by the time I begin this trip so that I can blog about the history and scenery as I travel across the vast western states and then back through Canada. All new vistas for me. My dog Sadie will be with me, and my decision to take her forced an early revision in the original plan and I decided to forego venturing into Alaska because of limitations on transportation options with dogs to Juneau. Another time, perhaps, but this trip will be about Lewis and Clark and Canada. Alaska remains on my bucket list.
Next Steps
So there you have it. Ambitious plans that feel doable here in 2024, but we’ll see what happens as 2025 unfolds. I’ll report in from time to time. And as I said above, this is my vision board and contains goals and aspirations, not absolute “must-dos.” I have already made monetary investments into this plan and that will certainly help me stay on track for the big items happening in the first six months. We’ll see how the rest of the year plays out as I dive deep into the book project and plan the fall trip.
In the meantime, I am enjoying being a mother-in-law, and looking forward to seeing my siblings, nieces, nephews, grandnephews (no grandnieces in this family!), and friends over the holidays. For Conrad and me, the 2024 Christmas holiday feels like a much-needed “redo” of the Michigan Christmas of 2017, when all of my family made a pilgrimage here to say goodbye to Jay. They all knew that it was likely their last chance to be with him and, indeed, he was gone by mid-February of 2018. This year will be much more joyous as we welcome the newest member of our family to celebrate the holiday with us. Lorenzo David will not yet be two months old so he may not remember much, but we will have many pictures of the festivities for him to look back on.
Peace to all of you through the holidays and beyond. Hold your loved ones close. It’s as important now as it has ever been.
